"Crazy wings? Ooh yes," Billy said with a smile. "Let's eat here."
Insert the word 'crazy in front of something, and surely knee-slapping mad-cap hilarity is guaranteed?
We've stopped in at Crazy Wings for a late night feed, and as we run through the menu that lists crazy wings, crazy lamb, crazy kidney, crazy ox tongue, crazy seafood, crazy vege, crazy snack, crazy soup... I can feel my pupils start to make their own loop-the-loops in opposite directions. It's like being in a late night TV commercial with enormous fonts crashing onto the screen. It's that crazy!
Crazy wings branded bowls
Perhaps this is why all the bowls and cups in the place are made from melamine, an insurance of unbreakables in a place where obviously anything can happen.
What does happen, is carnage. We had walked past tables strewn with the chaotic debris of caveman feasting. Chicken bones, prawn heads and fish bones lay beneath piles of decimated skewers in a trail of unadulterated feasting.
Original idea and chilli pepper wings $2.50 each
It's evident that the skewers are responsible for the craziness - each 'crazy' item is served on a skewer, spiced and cooked the 'old Beijing way' according the menu.
We start with the original idea and the chilli pepper chicken wings, two midwings speared tightly along two skewers and cooked so the fat has rendered the skin to a smoky crisp. We find the original idea is sweet and salty with a dusting of cumin; the chilli pepper is quite spicy but it's nothing compared to the next one.
BT Monster $3.00
We'd been unsure why one skewer had been served on its own until one bite in we realise it's the BT Monster. This isn't a monster - it's a beast beyond your deepest darkest nightmares. The wings haven't been sprinkled in chilli powder, they've rolled around and wrestled in it, until the chilli powder granules have infiltrated every crevice. There's more red dust here than Uluru.
I take a cautious bite and splutter immediately. It's not just the fact that the wings are hot, it's more that the liberal layer of raw chilli powder is so dry it immediately adheres itself to your tongue and the side of your cheek, burning burning burning despite your desperate attempts to swallow it down.
So this is what non-chilli eaters must endure. I'd forgotten that sensation of helpless pain and flapping panic. I get through it eventually, albeit with the help of some rice (much more effective at relieving chilli pain than water).
Crazy lamb 5 for $8.00
Crazy lamb skewers are a relief for the tastebuds. Dusted with cumin, the lamb is tender and slightly caramelised on the edges.
Crazy beef fried rice $11.80
Fried rice is served in picturesque wooden pails and generously portioned. It's enough to feed both of us, and whilst the vegetables are a disappointing mix of frozen peas, carrots and corn, it's hard to hold a grudge against rice served so quaintly with a wooden paddle.
The crazy fish look good - river fish skewered down the middle with their mouths wide open. But there's no room for more, not even for honey toast and pancakes. Yep, served on skewers as well. Of course it would be. It's crazy.
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Shop 41/1 Dixon Street, Haymarket Chinatown, Sydney
Tel: +61 (02) 9267 8862
Open 7 days 10am-10pm
Crazy Wings will be opening soon at the new Eat Street (formerly Railway Street) next to Chatswood Station, alongside fellow tenants Mamak and Bavarian Bier Cafe.
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10/06/2010 02:14:00 am